Friday, 20 June 2014

#17

17 embodies everything I've struggled with, struggled over. 17 means getting up and pushing forward. 17 means hanging on even when you throw me hooks instead of ropes. 17 is falling into an endless pit but looking forward to the ground because it would mean stability. 17 is louder than every thought and bigger than every dream. 17 means I am stronger than you make me feel. 17 means I can leave without running away. 17 means it is okay to be me.

this probably doesn't mean much to most people. a number cannot define you they say. a number cannot account for who you are. but let them count all these scars and know that 17 is a stronger number than they would ever know. 17 is brave. 17 is selfless. 17 could love and be loved.

17 June said goodbye to doubt and tears and bloodied wrists. 17 June is me, starting all over again.

- dina xx

Tuesday, 10 June 2014

Crushed Hearts, Broken Souls, Bleeding Minds

one:
a bullet to the
temple
has become a
metaphor for
every crying soul
begging to be
released
i wasn't even
trying to
kill myself
i was just trying
to make the voices
shut up
but how do you kill
the demon (in your head)
without killing
yourself?

two:
a handful of your
mama's sleeping pills
to lull you to
an infinite of
endless dreams
i never planned to
sleep forever
i just tried
and tried
and tried
to never wake up

three:
jumping off the ledge
of a twenty story building
i was always jumping
but in reverse,
i had never wanted to
stop my heart
i just wanted to feel
my blood rushing agin
i just wanted to
feel again.