ohmygah why are there so many slow days?
okay it's not that i want time to move faster
(unless it's math or chem or geog or something)
BUT ANYWAY
it's just so draggy and UGH
like please just get me outta here
it's not healthy for someone
to hate something so much, right?
yeah.
i don't like school.
a lot.
hah.
big shocker there, huh?
i've contemplated being homeschooled
but please like anyone would let me.
then i kinda sorta wish
i was raised by Amy Chua
or 'chinese style' so i could be like
somewhere in life at this point of time?
i don't know.
i probably would've done greater things?
achieved things?
been more intellectual?
but it's so hard because EVERYONE'S LIKE THAT HERE
so even if you are a 'tiger parent'
what would make you like a dominant tiger?
i don't know.
just the ramblings of a slow day.
"Life sucks and then you die."
goshhh.
- Dina x
Thursday, 24 January 2013
Saturday, 5 January 2013
slipping off.
almost there but not quite.
it's like being stuck.
in between living and dying.
i'm clinging on to life, hanging on with a few fingers.
but what if it's not worth the pain, the struggle?
shouldn't i let go?
its excrucuatingly painful.
and it's only gonna get worse.
so what's the point of hanging on anyway?
right now, death seems like an easier bet.
you let go and that pain is gone.
but enough with the metaphor (?)
i think
how many fake smiles or 'I'm fine's are you from that handful of pills?
from taking that one fall that will end it all?
from tying that necklace of rope around your neck?
how much more pain can you endure before you actually put your foot down and say no more?
or basically, how much more before you fall right off?
what good will hanging on do?
NOTHING'S GONNA GET BETTER.
life just spirals. downwards.
and i'm so sick of everything.
so sick of trying to keep trying.
becuase there's no pleasing anybody.
and i've tried so many things to control that pain.
it's not working.
or it stopped working.
it doesn't help at all, either way.
sometimes i just wish someone could listen.
i wish i could have an actual conversation with somebody.
i wish i could sit down and cry for hours on somebody's shoulder.
i wish someone could hug me so i wouldn't feel so alone.
but that's all they'll ever be.
wishes.
wishes.
and more wishes.
maybe i should stop trying so hard and let myself fall off.
because it's so much easier that way.
here's to slipping off.
have a great week ahead.
- Dina x
it's like being stuck.
in between living and dying.
i'm clinging on to life, hanging on with a few fingers.
but what if it's not worth the pain, the struggle?
shouldn't i let go?
its excrucuatingly painful.
and it's only gonna get worse.
so what's the point of hanging on anyway?
right now, death seems like an easier bet.
you let go and that pain is gone.
but enough with the metaphor (?)
i think
how many fake smiles or 'I'm fine's are you from that handful of pills?
from taking that one fall that will end it all?
from tying that necklace of rope around your neck?
how much more pain can you endure before you actually put your foot down and say no more?
or basically, how much more before you fall right off?
what good will hanging on do?
NOTHING'S GONNA GET BETTER.
life just spirals. downwards.
and i'm so sick of everything.
so sick of trying to keep trying.
becuase there's no pleasing anybody.
and i've tried so many things to control that pain.
it's not working.
or it stopped working.
it doesn't help at all, either way.
sometimes i just wish someone could listen.
i wish i could have an actual conversation with somebody.
i wish i could sit down and cry for hours on somebody's shoulder.
i wish someone could hug me so i wouldn't feel so alone.
but that's all they'll ever be.
wishes.
wishes.
and more wishes.
maybe i should stop trying so hard and let myself fall off.
because it's so much easier that way.
here's to slipping off.
have a great week ahead.
- Dina x
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