anarchy

I woke up with the deepest and darkest of despair manifesting somewhere inside of me and I'm trying to figure out if this black hole is inbred because the universe flows through me and maybe it is my duty to rid myself of the galaxy. I don't know anything about planets or the meteors or anything that lives in this space outside of Planet Earth but I know that it drowns me. it is the veil that you wear to hide the fact that some days the sun is hidden by an ocean of grey clouds wafting through the sky and if something that big and bright could be shut out by a collection water vapour then maybe I wasn't meant to get through it maybe this world is meant to deceive us into thinking that we are bigger than all of this when in reality we are just people waiting to die. they say sadness does not last forever so tell me who placed this seed here and asked for it to grow? what hurts more than loss is the realization that love cannot part you. because your heart forbids you to forget.

-dina xx

travesty

i don't know how to bring myself not to care when my healing process began with learning how to wrap myself around you. i wish i knew how to empty my heart because crying doesn't drain my heart of worries. i wish i knew how to stop the anxiety because god knows i've tried and i know its meant to be ramadhan and all of that is meant to be gone but god knows its so hard because it keeps raining on the days i forget to bring my umbrella and even when i do the rolls of grey, trail me so that even when i look up, there are shadows. and i wish i knew how to drown my voice in the thunder so that momentarily i can pretend i am a bolt of lightning.

PLEASE TEACH ME HOW TO CONTROL THIS BECAUSE I CAN'T BREATHE ALL OVER AGAIN. IT FEELS LIKE MY HEART IS BEING SQUEEZED TOO TIGHT INSIDE MY CHEST BECAUSE MY LUNGS ARE OUT OF OXYGEN AND THEY'RE TRYING TO KEEP FROM COLLAPSING. EVERYTHING INSIDE ME IS SHRINKING EXCEPT FOR MY LUNGS BECAUSE THERE'S NOT ENOUGH OXYGEN IT HURT S UTHYURYS ITHURTS GO DH ELP M IT HURTS