EUPHORIA: a short story

She was flying again. The adrenaline pumped inside of her, pushing her to go further. The energy coursed from her toes every time her shoe slapped against the asphalt, driving her faster. Her heart was frenzied, trying to keep up with her pace. Her throat begged for water, her lungs burned for oxygen. But she wouldn't stop – not for anything, not for anyone. She was riding on a single belief that if she ran fast enough, no one could touch her.

She lost herself. She couldn't hear the wretched voices in her head, luring her into the shadows to envelope her in the darkness. There were no problems that plundered her mind; she couldn't hear her parents constant arguments, she couldn't feel sad, she had no reason to cry. It was just her and the sound of her heart pounding, her labored panting, shoe hitting concrete. Her legs were burning, her exhaustion was mounting. She was reaching a climax. This was euphoria.

There was no pain. There was no exhaustion. There were no thoughts. There were no emotions. She was flying. She was free. This was euphoria. 

- END - 

just a really random short story hahaha

TTFN 

- Dina x 

being a good person

so there's this saying I know that goes like this, "everyone wants to change the world but no one wants to change." which I guess is pretty much true. it's true for me I would say. I mean I've done a lot of stupid things and things I know I'm bound to regret later on. and I'm not a good person all the time. and you might be thinking ((if anyone reads this)) what is the definition of a good person? what qualifies someone as a good person? what differentiates a good person from say, other people? 

2013 is coming to a close and I've been quite reflective on the year I just had. I've met good friends, I've met people worth keeping, I've met people I've realised I can willingly let go of because they'd do the same with me. highs and lows, we've all had them. and of course there are so many things I would love to change! but I've been thinking lately and I've concluded you can't change other people. you can't change situations. you can't change what has happened in your life. if I wanna be a better person, I have to change. YES I'VE SAID THIS TIME AND TIME AGAIN. but I really wanna change this time. this time I might just give myself a real chance to become a good person. and if I can't do that, I just wanna be a better person than the person I am now. 

I want to be a better daughter. I want to be a better student. I want to be a better athlete. I wanna be a better Muslim. I want to be a better person!!!! and that starts with me. and sure, knowing me and me being true to form or whatever, I'll probably start going off about how I'll never be good enough for anybody and nothing good ever happens in my life and well wallow in self pity for a while. but I found a reason not to be so hard on myself anymore. 

I like how that quote basically says everything happens because of god and if god wills something to happen, it will happen. and certain things aren't meant to be just because god says so. because it probably isn't good for you or He wants to test you – you never really know. it's like saying let go an let god. 

and with so much {possibly} happening next year, so many possibilities for my family and I...this when you turn to god. because 

and "when life pushes you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray." 

TTFN 

- Dina x

troubled souls & circus acts

wow okay a lots been happening you could say

my emotions are literally everywhere 

and like lol because which other loser can't keep their emotions in check :// 

haha but anyway 

have you ever felt haunted by so many different things and you can't ever say it out loud because there is no way in hell you're gonna find the right words to say???

and it sucks that you kinda bottle everything up inside
because who would listen anyway?
i'm scared of feeling
i'm scared of letting what i feel consume me
which happens
more often than not
and there's so many possibilities
and so many things i expect mounting off of this
and more importantly
so much people ask of me
so many expectations
and iT FRIGHTENS ME OKAY
i'm sorry that i'm terribly human
and terribly lost
and utterly confused
and t r o u b l e d
next year is gonna be very busy
things (drastically) changing, possibilities, new fears
something might happen next year
but i can't tell you if its for the better
or for the worst
and then there's school stuff
and softball and studies
and O's
and then balancing everything
what am i?
a circus clown balancing on a tricycle on a tightrope?
circus clown
a freak, miles ahead of who i am
and who i will ever be
because really
WHAT AM I WORTH?
WHAT'S WORTH FIGHTING FOR ANYMORE?
WHAT IS THE POINT OF LIVING WHEN I'M MERELY EXISTING?
what is it to hope?
what is it to love?
what is it to feel?
pain is no longer a feeling, it's my friend
it's my company when the shadows come to play
it's the thing that spills from my eyes
in the dark of the night
and the wee hours of the morning?

is this all i'll ever be?
a troubled, lost, carnival act
seeking normalcy
like it's treasure rooted beneath us all

what is love?

- Dina x