PRETTY HURTS

disclaimer: THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BEYONCÉ'S SONG but I did get inspired by it heh 

~

beautiful –

beautiful people;

the beauty of being strong,

the beauty of loving flaws,

the beauty of having flaws 

it's beautiful 

that you're still here;

beautiful

that you're still fighting

that you still smile ~

the simple things 

that you can't see 

the things you don't call 

beauty 

darling

don't sweat the little things –

the light that shines 

comes from within;

remember that 

when you're up late

crying

about the means things

all the kids are saying; 

remember that 

the most beautiful of smiles 

are those that's been through 

the worst of pains 

and that I love you

you're 

still 

beautiful 

to me 

~

TTFN 

- Dina x 

hold on to that feeling // love & softball

so this is what it feels like to love something so much – no matter how close you are to falling off, something tells you to hold a little tighter, to hang a little longer. because it's only when you win that you can fully understand the triumph of victory, and only when you lose that you fathom the bitterness of a loss. when you have your fair share of both, you learn it builds you to be a better, balanced person. 

~

season is starting in like a week or so and I'm so afraid yet so excited. there's a part of me that knows we can nail this, that we totally got it, and the other part that is just telling me I'm not good enough. and I worry that I'll never be. but I guess part of softball is trusting your skills, trusting your coach, trusting your teammates and having a little faith. and being the bravest you that you can be. because once you step out on the field, you're playing for the name in front of your jersey, not the one at the back. 

holding on to that feeling. holding on to that moment, holding on to the stronger part of you. holding on, because it's not always about you. and I need to remember that if I'm gonna be selfish, I'm  not worthy of being called a softballer. if I'm not willing to be the best me I can be, then might as all not play a team game. 

~ 

IM SO HYPED FOR SEASON BUT IT'S ALSO LIKE EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING TOO FAST WOW IDEK MAN I DON'T WANT THIS TO GO ANY FASTER. 

yay for love. yay for softball. yay for everything that makes me happy; my teammates, softball. I'm so blessed. 

TTFN 

- Dina x 

the things that hurt the most; raw truths

These are certain things I would never really say out loud but I guess its safe to say on here.

so it's 1st January and I'm not exactly starting on a bright note. because everything inside of me hates everything I am. that sounds so depressing and I swear I'm not depressed. I'm just sad a lot of the time. and sometimes when people tell me to be strong, I feel sadder because that means I'm not. I'm a horrible mishmash of every single negative emotion and it makes me a bad person. I don't like to think of my death because I'm so convinced I will actually be the one who causes it. there are nights where I wonder if sadness is a choice or a weakness or a test. there are days where the sadness leaks out and becomes tears and cuts. sometimes I cry till the tears hurt my eyes and the sobs get lodged in my throat. sometimes I wish I could tell people everything hurts and have someone make it better. sometimes I want to have a little something to believe in. and sometimes it's nice to know someone has your back. when I get scared, I think of everything I've done wrong and I convince myself I'm worthless. because there are times when I know I am. I get so tired sometimes because I'm still trying, you walked away ages ago. but there's always a part that won't let go. because people leave all the time. my job is to not give a crap but how can you be ignorant to that ache? that crave for someone who's made your life different? 

"you can't lose if you're the one who walks away from the game before it's over." 

I hate that the year started off like that. but this is something I've never really had a control over. 

TTFN 

- Dina x