from me to you;

"all I wanna be, all I ever wanna be is somebody to you; everybody's tryna be a billionaire, but everytime I look at you, I just don't care."

yes, I quoted The Vamps HAHAHAH but anyway I had a heart-to-heart with someone on my personal A-List today and that actually brougt light to plenty of things that were bothering me but I've always tried to conceal beneath the shadows. FIRST and foremost, addressing said person;

dear a,

I don't know if you'll see this but if you do, I just really want to thank you because you make me feel like it's okay to talk about what I'm feeling. I feel like I might run out of ways to thank you but there's always more to thank you for. its always great to sit down with you face to face to have a proper talk, where we are not masked by our mastery of this language and our problems sound less eloquent then we make them out to be. theres always a crushing relief after I talk to you and I feel like I relate to you on a personal level. thank you. I don't know how else to say this, but thank you. you are deserving of all kinds of happiness. fav, and you'll always be my fav

dina x

so this is the part where several parties came in and for my own simplicity, I will address it to 'you', although the people I talk about won't ever see this.

dear you,

I've known you long enough to understand the complications that plague you are beneath words. and I know when you're mad and when you've maxed out and you kinda just need a little assurance. I know you (all of you) and I've held you close enough that I thought you've been engraved into the hollow spaces of my bones and carved into my deepest memory. but somehow, you slip away. you pull away, like being jolted awake and I can't find you anymore. and every part of me aches to find the open door where you let me in the first time but I can't find you anymore. you're a sealed door in the alleyway I've paced OVER and OVER and OVER. you're a weapon and you haven't even shot me yet but there are wounds where I let your broken promises spear through me. ALL I EVER WANTED TO BE WAS SOMEBODY TO YOU. but lately, I'd settle for kissing the dust motes that shiver in your presence. HOW DOES EMPTINESS FEEL SO HEAVY?

- dina xx