travesty

i don't know how to bring myself not to care when my healing process began with learning how to wrap myself around you. i wish i knew how to empty my heart because crying doesn't drain my heart of worries. i wish i knew how to stop the anxiety because god knows i've tried and i know its meant to be ramadhan and all of that is meant to be gone but god knows its so hard because it keeps raining on the days i forget to bring my umbrella and even when i do the rolls of grey, trail me so that even when i look up, there are shadows. and i wish i knew how to drown my voice in the thunder so that momentarily i can pretend i am a bolt of lightning.

PLEASE TEACH ME HOW TO CONTROL THIS BECAUSE I CAN'T BREATHE ALL OVER AGAIN. IT FEELS LIKE MY HEART IS BEING SQUEEZED TOO TIGHT INSIDE MY CHEST BECAUSE MY LUNGS ARE OUT OF OXYGEN AND THEY'RE TRYING TO KEEP FROM COLLAPSING. EVERYTHING INSIDE ME IS SHRINKING EXCEPT FOR MY LUNGS BECAUSE THERE'S NOT ENOUGH OXYGEN IT HURT S UTHYURYS ITHURTS GO DH ELP M IT HURTS