things I've never told him

my heart is heavy and my chest is burning and maybe you were right about alcohol. it gave me so much courage, it reminded me how to be brave for myself. but you make the pieces of my heart shatter, make the stars stop being a light and start being fire. fire that seems to lick my skin from the inside so I can't scream for help because no one sees it. but you make me happy too and can I call this emotional abuse? because God knows I haven't hurt like this in a while. and god knows I've scrambled around for a blade one time too many. and I can't figure out what's good for me. and I can't stop hurting. love is a funny thing. you break apart and you hope for him to piece you back together but you keep forgetting how jagged the ends of this glass is. and he has bled one time too many over you. I am not worth anything. maybe I need to drink more maybe it will numb everything away because I've been looking for something that will melt this heartache.