{this is personal}
and i'm really not supposed to do it here
but where else am i supposed to say it?
what am i supposed to do when i feel like i'd rather drop dead than find a will to keep moving on because omg i'm so tired
because either way i'm doing a good job
at like existing
haha well
i'm trying so hard to be my own person
but at the same time i have to be the person other people want me to be
it's sucha struggle to be two people at the same time
and balance two completely different personalities
it's like having to be the middle person
of two crazy different people
with extreme emotions
and having to balance it out
simply because.
and yeah i'm not gonna lie it's been crazy difficult because both parties mean so much to you and like alters you
be it emotionally and mentally
if anyone's actually reading this
you probably wouldn't understand because this is the messed up train of thoughts
that is me
haha
what am i supposed to feel
and how can you turn off emotions
how do you stop tears
what if the only thing that makes you happy makes everyone else unhappy
whose happiness comes first then?
or am i always gonna be of least of importance
me < everyone else
i want place for these voices to go to
if not they won't leave me alone
they'll keep me up and remind me
and scream at me
giving me every reason
to stop finding a reason
it was supposed to be a good day
it was supposed to be special
but the only special thing about today is that i found a precious little piece of metal
that cut deeper
deeper than any emotion
deeper than any wound
deeper than any tear
it numbed me
i felt good.
i was terrified
i was ashamed
but fleetingly
i was insanely happy.
tales of the intimate.
TTFN
- Dina x
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