hooked on the adrenaline

it's not running, it's floating. it's flying. it's knowing you're finally doing something right. it's releasing dopamine. it's finally feeling euphoric. it's having something else course through your veins besides the blood. 

anyway so today we ran terry fox run and alicia and I did a solid 10km (((way to go!!! mental high five dina))) it's not my first and it's definitely not gonna be my last but it's nice to know I'm doing something right. when CAs and season clash, my stress level goes into overdrive and it makes me crave to feel the adrenaline. to feel light. to feel good. and I'm not willing to fall back into the person I used to be. I'm gonna be hooked on the adrenaline that's good for me. I think I deserve that. 

another heavy topic got brought up into discussion. something I may have to face at the crossroads sometime in the future. I'm so scared. I know how much this means to my parents and to let them down...that scares me. that fear gets my adrenaline going too. and it's not good for me. but I'm shamelessly hooked on that too. 

I'm hooked onto anything that would make me feel alive again. and like a druggie, I need my fix. everyday. 

because I'm done with people making me feel small. 

"keep making me laugh, lets go get high."

- Dina x