dear god,
it's me. irdina suleiman. human & about 100% flawed, the way everyone is, i guess. i'm awfully terrified. i'm terrified of so many things -- both things i can control and things i can't control. i'm terrified that i can never be a good enough person. i'm awfully scared that i disappoint everyone who has ever trusted me. i'm horrified at the idea that i've messed up so many people's lives and conveniently walked away because that's the only thing i'm good at; running away after i make a big mess out of everything.
i'm not a strong person and sometimes i think i will never be. sometimes i think that i let my weaknesses swallow me whole. sometimes i think that my fears have me consumed because i feed and nurse the broken parts of me. the parts that fuels the horror, the parts that triggers my panic. the parts that kill me, the parts that loathe myself. dear god, why can't i seem to pull through? what is it with fear anyway? what good would it bring me, or anyone?
where are you god? do you hear me? can you see me? would you help me? because i'm still so many things that would be too much to name. i'm not a saint, and i can never be. but god, they say you forgive those who seek forgiveness.
"And your Lord says, 'Call upon Me; I will respond to you.'" -- Qur'an [40:60]
may god see me through the next week.
have a blessed week ahead, may god be with youuu (:
TTFN
- Dina x
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