it sucks to know that you fall short of everyone's expectations all the time
to know that people trusted you to do better
to know that you'll never be what they want you to be
i must be so selfish
because they ask me to do one thing
they trust it of me, expect it of me
if i don't deliver...
then what?
what happens then?
it's happened one too many times
and i'm just here like
"i'm sorry i can't be perfect?"
because i should be sorry
i should feel extremely sorry
because they thought i could do it
and i just blatantly let them down
what sort of person does that make me
and what am i supposed to do about it
because crying doesn't solve much
and i've run out of tears
and i'm so tired of having to be strong for everyone
and having no one to fall back into
it sucks so bad
because i want to be allowed to screw up too
i want to know that it's okay to mess up
maybe i mess up way too much
and people are tired of giving me chances
i don't know
i'm so terribly confused and upset
and the worst part of it all
is that i'm not allowed to tell anyone
bound by secrecy
and so many other factors
i want so desperately to satisfy everyone
but how? how? how? how?
it's like giving away everything you are
what's left for me?
everything that makes, everything i am
has been stripped away
because i've given so many parts of myself away
in hopes of being able to stay w h o l e
but what am i?
what am i to anyone?
there's so many things going on inside my head
and i can't deal with them
i can't deal with any of it
because i'm tired
and so lost
and so confused
and trapped
i haven't felt like this in so long
why why why
when i finally thought i've resurfaced from the water
i'm being dragged down again
i don't wanna feel sad
and i'm so tired of feeling so pathetic
and i'm so done crying
but who would know?
i'm not a strong person
and i've never been
but i have to carry on
because
everyone expects it of me
TTFN
- Dina x
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