confused & lonely

if i died trying, did i try hard enough?

why am i never trying hard enough for anyone?
why can't i be as good as anyone else?
why am i never the person other people want me to be?
why am i still TRYING?
what's the use of trying so hard when everything you do is never gonna be good enough?
i'm so scared because people will leave
and they might
and i'm so scared
i'm so scared because everyone expects me to keep going
and to keep trying
what if there's nothing left to try for?
who am i living for anyway?
and who can i tell who can make it go away
because sometimes an escape would be nice
but i just
i can't keep going
because i get tired too
but most people seem to forget that
most people seem to forget that i'm human too
that i screw up as much as the next person
i screw up as much as anyone else
and i need someone to remind me that it's okay to be human too
it's okay to mess up too

i've never felt so utterly helpless
and so alone

- Dina x