fuck it. fuck it all.

why don't you just kill me now?
why the fuck do you put me through all this?

i'm fucking tired of always having to put up with whatever you want.

why can't you fucking stop and consider what i want?

why is my life always about you?

about what you people want 

i'm so fucking tired of having to live life the way you want me to.

you're supposed to know me better than anyone else for fuck's sake.

i thought you could see through all my 'I'm okay' and fake smiles.

but no.

it's all about YOU and it's always gonna be about you.

i'm sick and tired of it, already.

how much longer can i pretend?

i don't want this anymore.

i want to die. 

seriously.

came so close to being in a car accident.

so close to jumping off the 12th floor.

so close to buying pills.

so close to trying to stab myself.

either that or i wanna try getting high.

i'll get so fucking high i don't even remember myself anymore.

more importantly, i won't even feel so much...

hurt anymore.

everything fucking hurts, alright.

but i'm scared tho.

i'm scared of what might happen.

what about everyone else?

what about the hurt i'd inflict?
i know what that hurt feels like

and for me to have to inflict that on others...

that would be beyond unfair.

but if you do know a place where i can get high/kill myself/rage till 2030...

we should hang out.

have a fabulous week.
mine's gonna suck.

i promise.

- Dina x