when no one thinks you're trying hard enough.

i'm tired.

and exhausted.

and frankly...

i just feel like giving up.

not only in everything that i'm involved in

but on life.

i'm awfully sorry i'm not what you wanted me to be.

i'm sorry i'm not intelligent.

i'm sorry that i never seem to be trying hard enough.

i'm sorry i'm wasting everything you've done for me.

i'm sorry i'm never good enough.

for anything. for anyone.

BUT why can't you accept the fact that i'm just not perfect?

sorry, but, i do this thing in life.

where i screw up a little bit.

and i need someone to fall back on.

because i get scared and lonely, doing it alone.

i need someone to rely on.

because i'm fucking tired of having everyone rely on me.

but coach did say something.

and it pulled at some unfamiliar feeling

deeeeeeeep in me.

she said everytime, she feels like giving up.

on us

but then there's her subconscious that tells her.

we CAN do it, and it wouldn't be fair to us

if she called it quits.

but why does no one believe me when i say

I AM TRYING MY HARDEST 

and it's just not hard enough.

i'm sorry about that, too. 

sighh.

i just wanted to get all this out of my system.

i broke down during training today.

but i don't wanna think/talk/write about it.

may the rest of your week be pleasant.

and a hella alot better than mine.

 happy thursday?

- Dina x