i don't even know what to feel.

1. Frustration

so i've been feeling pretty frustrated these days.

who am i kidding?

i'm beyond flipping frustrated.

i just can't please anyone.

and it is so frustrating because i've never felt this useless.

it's like nothing goes my way anymore.

and then i cry, which brings me to my next part...

2. Sadness

so since nothing goes right

i get sad.

so sad sometimes i wish i could die.

i wish death came easy.

i wish i could fall off a building.

i wish i could break a leg.

or die trying.

i just don't want to live anymore 

it's stupid and pointless

i hate everything.

there's more to be said but i'm gonna stop right here/

3. Fear

i'm scared of what i don't know.

namely, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year...

or even the next hour.

i just fear the future

because it's a terrifyingly dark, unknown abyss...

and who is to say what could happen?

and the fact that i don't know what happens.

scares me.

4. Just Plain Exhausted

i don't know i'm just tired.

school, home...

nothing is just going right

and i'm tired of trying. 

i'm tired of putting effort into everything

then having it go to waste.

and i can't give up.

i have to keep pushing...

and i just get so tired.

basically i just want to cry.

and let out all this.

because handling all these emotions is pretty...

i don't know.

after all this is my 'happy place'.

i pray tomorrow will be a better day.

- Dina x